LGBT should be everyone’s fight

Recently I attended a LGBTQ event which my company put on. Four speakers presented on the topic of social media and the safety of the LGBTQ community. Living in a corner of the internet which is relatively liberal, politically-aware and millennial/Gen Z dominated, I am not often exposed to the abuse this community faces. I did not know that in 2019, yes, this 2019, the word ‘faggot’ is used every minute on Twitter, or that the word ‘dyke’ is used every two minutes. I did not know that one in ten LGBT people have experienced abuse online directed towards them personally in the last month, or that one in four trans-people directly experiencing transphobic abuse online in the last month. But then, without me following and engaging in that communities news and events, how would I know?

I was particularly struck by Chloe Davies, Head of Partnerships at myGwork, director of Serenity Se7en Enterprises, and strategic officer of the UK’s Black Pride. She is the walking definition of intersectionality and I was stunned by the depth of her personal story and the experiences of others she recounted. The struggle in figuring out one’s identity, wondering who will or will not accept her, questioning whether you’ll ever find someone or be alone forever with four cats and a handful of fleas, being randomly attacked on the internet when sharing a post, entering a highly professional environment where heterosexuality rules and you have to sit amongst insensitive ‘jokes’ etc etc etc. All of these things I could understand, but through the lens of gender and race rather than sexuality. However, seeing someone who looked like me speak on emotions and experiences I know all too well helped me to see things from her perspective, and therefore many other people who are part of the LGBT community.

This is in many ways the ‘cocktail party’ effect. The premise is that you are way more likely to pay attention to what directly affects you, even to the point of blocking out things which do not affect you. So if you are in a bar/club and hear your name, you are way more likely to focus on that rather than everything else around you. In today’s society with the load of information thrown at us through social media, advertising, the news etc etc the same applies when we hear tragic stories. You are more likely to pay attention to a natural disaster from your country of origin than others, you are more likely to tune in to a tragedy which has happened to someone that looks like you than a Polynesian man in his 50s. But this is unsustainable…

When we discuss real active change in regards to demographic discrimination, I don’t think anything will practically change for the better unless people who are not affected get involved. The Move (which is a Black British platform my friend and I set up) would not have grown to the size it has without non Black British people joining the conversation and holding others accountable also. In attending the LGBTQ event, I realised that the same applies for me. How can I expect people to be outraged when myself or my community experiences abuse or prejudice because of gender or race when I am not outraged when someone of a different demographic experiences abuse or prejudice? How can I expect the whole of society to begin highlighting, learning and celebrating blackness if I do not highlight, learn and celebrate demographics which I don’t fit into?

There are numerous ways in which one can be an ‘ally’ of a demographic outside of themselves. On many LGBT websites, the term ‘ally’ is defined as a straight/heterosexual person who supports equal civil rights for the LGBTQ community. But this ‘ally’ term can be used for any person who is in a position of power or privilege because of their demographic make-up.

1. Educate and empower yourself

Doing some research and learning a little more about the community is a great place to start. Even if you’re part of the LGBTQ community specifically, find out about people whose sexual orientation, gender, racial etc identity differs to yours. Confront your own assumptions, prejudices, and bias (this is a great reactive test to find out about your personal biases: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/selectatest.html ). Google, YouTube and community specific media are all useful for understanding more about these people’s lives and the correct language to use.

2. Listen

As allies to each other, we have to be able to listen, ask how someone is doing and be aware that other people’s lives and experiences will be very different to your own. Remember that just because someone has come out to you, they might not be out to everyone. Be respectful to each other and enjoy learning about all the differences and diversity in the communities around us. Even if you don’t know anyone right now who has these life experiences, likelihood is that you will in the future whether that is through colleagues, friendships, neighbours, children etc.

3. Be visible and challenge

Be loud, visible and proud to be part of this campaign. When you hear people making negative comments or using hurtful or abusive language towards LGBT, BAME, religious, disabled etc people, challenge it. If it’s online, report it. You might not always have all the answers or know exactly what to say and that’s OK. Just don’t be silent in the face of adversity. Silence is compliance.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor” – Desmond Tutu

4. Influence others

Think about the opportunities you have to share messages of positivity/support. Whether it’s a conversation with friends, family or colleagues, organising a ‘lunch and learn’ at work, wearing Rainbow Laces at sporting events or putting up a poster. Use the platforms you have to amplify the voices of communities which are often discriminated against and share other people’s stories.

5. Always remember others

It’s important to remember that people have lots of different elements to their identities – someone might be bisexual and also BAME, or trans and religious, disabled, non-binary and dealing with a mental health issue. This may mean they suffer multiple levels of discrimination in their life. Being an ally is about listening to and learning from someone else’s experiences and showing your support for them.

We as a society need to start asking ourselves “do i understand how they are feeling?” more than “do i understand their situation?”

@CillaHope_

TheMoveHub.com